too much coffee man

star wars - spoiler warning...
Spoilers.

I'm not going to edit my little rant. I'd call this a spoiler warning if anyone still cares.

When I saw the first star wars (that be star wars I, not the real first star wars, that being star wars IV), the theatre was packed. The opening music roused a cheer from the crowd. We all shuffled out of the movie thinking, it's his first film in a while - he'll pull it together for the next couple. He deserves a mulligan. Then, strike two. This time around, had one of the 20 attendees screamed "fire," you'd have had to wake up half the people to get any sort of reaction. The audience was just that tepid. And that was during the opening music. The enthusiasm for the star wars movie franchise has died.

Fortune cookies. That's what the jedi have been reduced to. First, the mighty-cloridians in the blood are the force, then racial stereotypes abound, and now the jedi master's wisdom is summed up with condescending BS gleaned, along with the check and a cookie, at the end a chinese dinner. Fortune cookie wisdom. I'd turn to the dark side too if my 'master' was feeding me lines like "only the Sith speak in absolutes." Isn't that an absolute that you just said, mr obi juan? Are you a sith? Am I a sith? Damn this lisp. It was a mean man who named lisp, 'lisp.'

Arguing logic in a sci-fi film is tail-chasing. I'm not the faulting logic. Semantics I point to. Rule #37 in Hollywood; proof read your script.

Big spoiler: Darth Vader gets his arms and legs chopped off. Someone in the theatre screams "It's only a scratch. Come back. I'll bite you death!"

But seriously. Those things are stupid. My real complaint, my only serious complaint, is that George Lucas is a whore. Shame on him for marketing a violent film to children. And by violent I mean "go kill children," mr. sympathetic villain. And... "now that I've cut off both your arms and both your legs, I'm going to let you slowly burn to death on this bed of hot lava because I'm a good guy."

And by marketing, I mean, yoda getting on his back for cheetos. There be a star wars row in the toy store. Every commercial break, saturday morning cartoons, something for/by/with star wars.

This is wrong.

Make violent films. Sin City was enjoyable as all get out. Don't market them to children.

Why is he doing this? Does he need the money? Does he want glory? Does he hate children? Yes. I think he hates children and he wants to screw with their little heads.

My lego x-wing fighter is going right out the window.

Boycott. You won't regret it. Give your money to joss whedon so he can make more han solo movies (ie. serenity).

May the force be with you.

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